Sunday, May 17, 2015

One of my old style blog posts

My first blog was a way for me to keep in touch with family and friends while I spent some time abroad. After I returned home, it became a place for me to put feelings that I hoped others would read, but that no one would comment on (or else I could have just discussed them with a friend). I think most of the time I managed to keep the posts mostly honest, and somewhat upbeat, but the truth is that I resorted to the blog when I was feeling down and wanted to reach out with my most depressed feelings. I think I did an excellent job of disguising the dark feelings with hope and realism, but I knew what brought me to the blog and that was reason enough to be skeptical of whether or not it was "good."

So I decided it was time for a new blog. A fresh start. One where only the best of times were recorded.

But I miss the old blog. I don't miss the dark feelings that brought me to the blog, but I miss the unadulterated feelings and thoughts. I miss the growing that was captured there and the complexity of the decisions and challenges I was faced with.

There really ought to be a way to have both. Is there? The truth is, that most of the time my old blog almost helped me to see a bad situation in a better light, or at the very least it helped me to analyze an emotion to find the root of the problem. In the end is that really such a bad thing?

The problem is this: It is just like gossiping with you girl friends. I feel like I often hear girls say "I know I shouldn't talk bad about ______ (my husband/kids/mother-in-law/neighbors) but sometimes you just need to vent." But if I am being honest with myself, usually when I "vent" my feelings, I somehow come out feeling twice as angry. I do believe in the power of an emotional release to a harmless source aka "venting." The problem is that it can be such a careful balance between "venting" and a snowball effect. I am not totally sure I can trust myself to know the difference between the two.

Hence the new blog.

I didn't say anything about my secret blog though.....

A trip to Minnesota

Can you believe that my best friend and husband went in together and bought be a ticket to go to Minnesota and spend a week at Kaite's house!

Seriously amazing. January was very difficult for me (nothing to worry about, everybody has their problems you know how it is) and my trip at the beginning of February was a light at the end of the tunnel.

I actually got sick while I was there, and it put quite a damper on the trip, but we were still able to get out to quite a few activities. Some photos below.

If only I had a friend like her right next door. It is part of mine and Zachary's life plan. If we have to build a mansion FOR her next to ours, we will do it (secret underground meeting room for moms only included).

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Halloween 2014

I like Halloween and it is fun, but I never think about my costume until hmmm.....maybe 24 hours before Halloween? So I usually end up being the person who tapes Smarties to my pants to be "smarty-pants."
Well the same thing happened this year. Luckily my sweet sister bought me a Tinkerbell costume for Abby and I was so inspired I spent a few hours fixing it up for Abigail to wear and it was perfect! She was such a doll! Every time I took her out in that costume (which was a lot, surprisingly) I would get so many compliments on how cute she was. I think it was the wings. Seeing someone that small run around with wings on is just to die for.
Zach and I dressed up as Korie and Willie Robertson. Though someone made the comment that we just looked like native Utah Mormons..... oh well.
SO the U of U law school had an event for law students to bring their families (if they had them) to the school for some trick or treating. It was perfect for Miss Abigail Short Legs. We saw Daddy's school, got a few pieces of candy, wam bam sha bam.
Later that night Zach and I sat down for a movie and we started eating Abigail's candy, and quickly devoured it (there wasn't much, maybe 10 pieces?) And the next morning, Abigail was looking and looking in her bucket for candy and couldn't find any. I felt like I deserved the "Worst mom ever" award. So I decided to take her out trick or treating again Halloween night.
I had so much fun. I found this perfect little street in the Avenues with lots of brightly lit houses and tons of kids, and Abigail just loved running up the stairs and knocking on the doors! Mom didn't even stop her! (This is a regular fight the two of us have. Living in an apartment complex it is her favorite thing to run down the halls and knock on any of the doors she can get to before I catch her) I was worried that I would feel guilty and greedy for trick or treating with a child so small.... but it was the BEST night EVER! I really had so much fun.
I love my doll.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Salt Lake City 10th Ward

We have moved into the SLC 10th ward. It is one of the original 19 wards created by Brigham Young when the pioneers arrived in SLC. THere is so much history in this building, but I doubt you are that interested in it. So I will tell you my favorite two things.

1. It used to be known as the "Mormon Battalion Ward" because many of the Mormon Battalion settled in the same part of SLC, and then were organized into the same ward. As a descendant of several different members of the Mormon Battalion, this is significant to me.

2. It is the only original chapel still standing (complete with meeting house and school house) and it is gorgeous.

Seriously. Come stay with us and go to church with us. You will be on an air mattress in our dinning room, you have been warned.

Enjoy some photos of Abigail running around the outside.

Friday, November 7, 2014

To Do Lists

I don't have a job and I am busier than I have ever been. I think it has to do with the fact that I don't have a job, so I am trying too be a scrapbooker/canner/social/couponer/runner/blogger/churchy/perfect wife. It is insane, no one does this to themselves, what am I thinking?

Which has gotten me thinking about "to do" lists. I love to do lists, like I LOVE them. They are how I operate, I literally can't motivate myself to get anything done until I have written a list. But accomplishing things on my list is so guilt driven, and worry driven. Now that my lists are full of things that I love, it is starting to make me feel like the things that I love are huge burdens. Maybe it is because they are. When did it become a source of guilt that I haven't blogged? It used to be a release! When did it become a source of guilt that I have not completed any crafting, or decorated, or all the items that used to be sources of passion and drive.

In short I think I am having an identity crisis. I expected this. I am switching roles from "Provider" to "Homemaker" and it isn't going well. All professional women tell themselves "if I stayed home I would accomplish so much more than I do now." But can we really? I don't know about you, but my 1 year old interrupts pretty much everything I do, from mascara, to work outs, to conversations with friends. I find myself just trying to fill the void of "purpose" I had when working. Please don't misunderstand, I am not trying to say that Motherhood does not have purpose, but the to do list is never done is it? At least at work, I was given a project and I would complete it in a timely manner, and finish up with analysis and a report!

I am not looking for a pity party, and if you were under that impression you have mis-read my tone. I find this shift fascinating.

With the recent move, and all our opportunities for new friends and new choices, who will I choose to be? More importantly will I let the decision be made for me? Or am I going to take an active role in accomplishing it?

Which, if I wasn't stressed before, this last question really stresses me. Here is what I have decided. After writing this and getting to the point of peak stress and mind buzzing what-ifs I realized I am too old for an identity crisis. Though I don't know what direction I want to go, I know exactly what type of person I want to be, and the lifestyle I want to live. This time is a gift to me. A time for me to work on that lifestyle and explore my options for direction. A time to be with Abigail and support Zachary.

And suddenly, I am excited. *sigh* that's better.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Move to UTAH!

As you probably already know, we have moved to Utah!

We found out and we were gone four weeks later.... hence no blog posts. But now it has been over two months since we first discovered we were moving and I think I can say that my social media accounts are sufficiently neglected. Alright alright, I am addicted to Instagram and Facebook, so they are not neglected, but the grandparents are whining for baby photos, and my last blog post is months old. SO it is sorta like neglect.

Zach was accepted to University of Utah S.J. Quinney Collage of Law, and  as a Tier 1 law school we would be silly not to take this opportunity. There was this giant neon sign in the sky screaming at us "Go! Bloomers GO!" Did you see it? It was there in the northern sky on August 7th. It is not very often that you receive clear concise instruction from our Divine Heavenly Father, and if you choose to ignore those important moments, you will loose more than the opportunity. Zach and I have both decided that for the rest of our lives we will always acknowledged our Maker and the hand He played in getting Zach into this Law School. Though I believe Zach to be the caliber of person for this school, he had some road blocks to over come on paper, and it could not have been done without help.

Zach left two weeks later. As a transfer student, you are the last to know that you were accepted, so you have no time to arrange for living. You just run to the first day of class, and hope for the best. So we did. Four weeks later, we miraculously ended up in an apartment in downtown Salt Lake City, only a 2 minute drive from the campus and a 8 minute drive from Temple Square. It is a much smaller place than we are used to, but we love the location and our ward and it really isn't so bad now that we are settled.

We couldn't be happier. We haven't seen one day over 90 degrees in almost 2 months. Don't bother telling me "oh but those winters in Utah, you are in for an awakening" I lived in Utah. I know what it it is like. And we couldn't be happier.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

A little Enlightened Woman rant......

Saw this decorated door yesterday at the U of U law school. And it got me thinking:
"Sexism: sex·ismˈsekˌsizəm, noun:
prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, typically against women, on the basis of sex."
Anyone else see the contradiction here? Aparently prejudice against "female republicans" doesn't count as sexisim. I am so tired of "pro-woman" groups who only support you as long as you are the "right kind" of women. Maybe it is time to reassess what it means to support women, and what real "women's issues" are.
I looked up the WLC on the U of U graduate student groups page and this is what I found.
" Women’s Law Caucus
The purpose of the Women’s Law Caucus (WLC) is to be a source of support, opportunity and information for women and men in our community. The WLC promotes interest in issues of particular concern to women, provides a forum for students on issues affecting the legal community, and provides activities that promote involvement in legal and women’s issues."
But only if you are a Democrat.... or maybe Independent. Those other humans aren't "women" and don't deserve support.
I am sorry.....??? This attitude only hurts women, who should be allowed to be on either side of the aisle without persecution as a woman. Principles are important, make sure you understand them and live by them.