Sunday, May 17, 2015

One of my old style blog posts

My first blog was a way for me to keep in touch with family and friends while I spent some time abroad. After I returned home, it became a place for me to put feelings that I hoped others would read, but that no one would comment on (or else I could have just discussed them with a friend). I think most of the time I managed to keep the posts mostly honest, and somewhat upbeat, but the truth is that I resorted to the blog when I was feeling down and wanted to reach out with my most depressed feelings. I think I did an excellent job of disguising the dark feelings with hope and realism, but I knew what brought me to the blog and that was reason enough to be skeptical of whether or not it was "good."

So I decided it was time for a new blog. A fresh start. One where only the best of times were recorded.

But I miss the old blog. I don't miss the dark feelings that brought me to the blog, but I miss the unadulterated feelings and thoughts. I miss the growing that was captured there and the complexity of the decisions and challenges I was faced with.

There really ought to be a way to have both. Is there? The truth is, that most of the time my old blog almost helped me to see a bad situation in a better light, or at the very least it helped me to analyze an emotion to find the root of the problem. In the end is that really such a bad thing?

The problem is this: It is just like gossiping with you girl friends. I feel like I often hear girls say "I know I shouldn't talk bad about ______ (my husband/kids/mother-in-law/neighbors) but sometimes you just need to vent." But if I am being honest with myself, usually when I "vent" my feelings, I somehow come out feeling twice as angry. I do believe in the power of an emotional release to a harmless source aka "venting." The problem is that it can be such a careful balance between "venting" and a snowball effect. I am not totally sure I can trust myself to know the difference between the two.

Hence the new blog.

I didn't say anything about my secret blog though.....

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